What's in Front of Me

I'm a planner.

I've written about this woe a couple of times now, but it really is an affliction. It's an affliction because it's a snarling, scraping attitude that tries to condense the world down into patterns and linear logic, only to be constantly thwarted at every turn, forcing said planner to constantly pull back, readjust, and try to throw her arms a little farther around the world.


I wish it were only about good business practices, efficiency, open and honest communication skills, and a desire to reach others better. Unfortunately, it's not always. More often it's about control.

I like to control things, to have a grip on the projects and people I engage with. I want a sure footing at all times, which means I get really resentful when thing shift and I have to move to uncertain places.

Man, I hate that. Both things, actually, the having to move and the resentment that follows.

This morning was such a morning, when I realized my footing was not so sure on some projects I've been involved with. It turns out that I dropped some balls which will result in my day backing up and the possibility of not being able to accomplish what I had scheduled for today

And that sucks.

As I began fretting over the repercussions for the rest of the week, a conversation with a friend came back to my mind, a conversation we had had about worry. Her family is facing much more severe problems than I am--we're talking not even in the same league--and yet she applauded something I said.

"You said you were just going to focus on what's in front of you," she pointed out. "I like that. I'm going to try it."

Gotta love it when your own wisdom comes back to bite you.

My friend's own willingness to have a different perspective amidst troubling circumstances radically shifted my own perspective and tore my eyes away from my sniveling navel gazing.

Alternate plans knock over ours every single day. We can choose to be anxious (not exactly Biblical) or we can deal with the knowns--the stuff that's right in front of us and be faithful in it. It doesn't mean that we're blind to the future or how events affect one another, but it's a paradoxical acceptance of the present while developing plans for the future.

This morning I'm planning to focus on the projects, needs, and responsibilities that are right in front of me. The future, the rest of the week, will be there when I get there.