Where My Creativity Went

Graphic by Andrew Zahn via DawnHyperdrive on Facebook

I've seen these lists on Facebook a lot. Like most memes on Facebook, it's cute, I've seen it before, and usually pass it by. 

But I shared this because I had a conversation with a friend this week that reminded me that these principles aren't just for  artists or self-proclaimed creative people. They're for anyone who wants to do more than drift through the day.

A friend of mine recently described the emptiness he feels since finishing grad school. "I'm not who I was in college, you know?" he said. "I don't know who this person is anymore."

This friend has also been through a traumatic romantic relationship, financial exhaustion, and fruitless job searches. His strength, his energy, is zapped. 

I experienced something similar after grad school (I'm starting to believe that most people do) . I wondered if the cool kid I [thought that I] was in college was there anymore, or if aliens had abducted my spritely, creative self, replacing it with a tired late-20's something who suddenly cared overmuch about bedtime. My soul was tired and I felt emotionally and spiritually empty.

The funniest part though, was that, even while I felt exhausted and empty, there was a part of me that told myself that that was the way it's supposed to be. It's part of getting older--it's natural to not feel as fun anymore, it's natural to feel pretty uninspired when you try to pay bills, it's just part of life when your bubble and zip ebb away. 

I'd seen it happen to so many others, so perhaps it was just my turn.

Thankfully I was, and still am, surrounded by resolutely funny, creative, strong people--in my family, at work, and at church--who could counter that lie  for me--and a lie it is. They expressed concern when I seemed lethargic, they wouldn't stop asking me what I was reading, and they kept suggesting movies. And they told me about their projects --whether writing, building, painting, or cooking--and those ideas seeped into me.

Their encouragement and inspiration helped exhume my soul, to reference "Warm Bodies". When my natural zombie tendency towards lifelessness crept in, these friends and family reminded me how to create a life.

It's true, in some ways, that as we age, we have more demands put on us and outputs that we're responsible for. Whether work, or children, or what have you--there are more activities in our lives that demand energy. 

But if that's the case, I'm finding I need a balance of outputs with restorative inputs. I need soul-filling people and activities around me. I'm also finding that I need to check those other demands at the door--whether they're necessary drains (paying bills) or life-suckers (bad relationships, meaningless activities).

The most fulfilling people and activities I invest time in are those who remind me who I am, what I love, what I value. Yes, it's the stuff of art, but art, true art, is the outpouring of creativity. Spend time finding yours.