This blog is later than usual. No, thankfully The Hubby encountered no other collisions, but rather I had an early assignment this morning to take care of. Funny, this is closing in on 30 posts and I think I can say that blogging is becoming a habit. I start feeling a little itchy when I don't do it.
Because I'm just that committed. Or just that OCD.
There's a fine line between those two. When I'm OCD, I do things almost mindlessly, as if an outside source compels me, makes me, do whatever the task. I do something because in a way I have to--otherwise I feel incomplete and less-than.
Commitment is a different bird. Commitment can have external motivators (for instance, commitment to daily showers prevents unpleasant physical manifestations) but more often it comes from an intentional inner drive. Commitment happens when I say, "No, I don't feel like doing X, Y, or Z, but I KNOW it's the right thing to be done, or it needs to be done."
Similar to what I wrote yesterday, man, this whole "feelings versus knowledge" thing is tough.
I've realized lately that I'm way better at becoming mindlessly OCD at certain tasks than I am commitment. OCD (in the non-physiological condition) in a way is an obsession with my personal comforts and tastes. It makes me fixate on perfection and my idea of it.
Commitment, however, isn't nearly as worried about Self. It places a higher value on honor and truth over comfort and free will. This is true whether in regards to a relationship or that volunteer project you decided to take on.
This blog can be a little OCD to me--just one more brick that I use to make my perceived permanent, perfect castle of Self--but it's also become a commitment to write, to develop the gift I have. It's not always easy, but I'm reminded that nothing good in the making is.
No comments:
Post a Comment