Monday Morning Insecurities

Yes, I realize that it's Tuesday.

This was a title that popped in my head yesterday while The Hubby and I were driving around town looking for a rental car because his own Civic died in a car crash Friday morning.


Thankfully The Hubby wasn't badly hurt, only jarred and shaken, as can only be imagined. A blown tire forced the car to roll off the interstate, so, yeah, car's gone. But I'd rather have a new car than a new husband.

What ensued was a weekend of Bio-Freeze and ice-packs, as well as Star Trek, Home Improvement, and anything else streaming on Netflix. It's always fun to relax when you choose to, always a little rough when you're forced to, but we made it, and he's back at work this morning.

So the weekend turned out to be a little busy so that's why I didn't write yesterday.

Let me just say that the whole dealing with insurance thing, getting a car rental, suddenly having to test-drive and seriously consider buying a new car...is weird. It's rough and unfamiliar (which is, I suppose, a good thing since that means we're not in the habit of engaging in accidents). But such unfamiliarity can tear you up. Both my husband and I were edgy and anxious yesterday morning as we prepared for a day of car shopping, even while he was still recovering from whiplash, even as his chest and shoulders felt sore from the tension and jolting of the wreck.

But there was something else, too.

I peered at him over our coffee break while we tried to figure out our next course of action. "You okay?" I asked. "Whatcha feelin'?"

He sighed and looked up at me. "I just feel...so...I don't like this. I don't know how to do this," he laughed. "It's unfamiliar. I'm tired of forging new territories--insurance, new car, rentals."

This from the guy who would gladly research anything online for hours, but when the "have-to" hammer dropped, felt pressured and anxious.

We shared a smile.

I titled this blog "Monday Morning Insecurities" because in general Mondays are my worst days for insecurity. Do you know what I mean? You wonder if things have survived since the last time you worked or wrote something last week, if they're the same, or changed. You realize that most people have a billion emails to answer on Monday, so that's probably why they're not answering yours, but still, you have enough time to think about all of the reasons why they probably hate you and that's why they're more than likely they're not writing you back so that you can't finish your work.

That's what I mean when I say Monday Morning insecurities. However, these feelings can be quadrupled by a car wreck.
As we drove over to test drive some cars at a local dealership, I was reminded how weird insecurities are; how few of them it takes before we're crippled on our knees-- whether it's a car or a job or a relationship.

 I applied for a job recently, one that I really really want (stay tuned!) and even as I felt confident in my ability to take the job, little insecurities have snuck in-- people who unfairly eye me with distrust, others who question my commitment, little voices that ask, "Who do you think you are?" And I quaver back, "Um, can I back to you on that?"

Then I remember who I am and what I can do, and then the joke's over. The insecurity acknowledged, the doubt considered, then answered with what I KNOW that I am--that I am capable, that I am worthy, I am knowledgeable and smart.

Similarly my husband and I had to take a few minute, recount where we were, what we knew, what we didn't know, and even count our advantages. It calmed us-- answering what we felt with what we knew.

And it turned out fine. We got straight answers from our insurance, we secured a great rental car, test drove some promising vehicles, and went to the doctor, who gave positive news on The Hubby's recovery.

It's the same with my other insecurities. Things will turn out fine. External changes will be confusing and unfamiliar and we'll feel uncertain in approaching change. But in staying true to the truth, what we know, the results will take care of themselves.

I still have Monday morning insecurities-- actually I have Tuesday-Sunday insecurities, too, but I'm trying to trade what I feel for what I know--and that's a stability worth having.

Will be in touch about the new car and the new job-- pics coming soon!