When I Want to Run Away

Do you ever have those days? The ones where you want to run away? Either work, or family, or that weird friend was just a little too much, and after looking around wildly for an EXIT sign, you start tapping around for loose bricks.

I had one of those days recently.

Things are busy right now, and now just the kind of busy where literally every hour is booked, but the emotional kind of busy, where the heart gets exhausted and disorientation sets in. I got behind on grading papers and planning lessons for class somewhere in late September and have yet to catch up. Writing, well, paid writing, has taken both an urgent front seat while simultaneously the personal kind is getting stuck in the car seat. The Hubby's work is full. Our families are full. And frankly, I'm tired.
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I canceled a class this morning because of an urgent concern that came up with the writing.

I couldn't catch my breath until after the event was over because I was so worried.

.Then the guilt started.

I'm a terrible, disorganized teacher.

I'm a horrible writer.

I'm a distracted wife and semi-present daughter, sister, and friend.


Mentally I started tapping around for loose bricks, seeing if one of them could give and I could find an escape.

The closest thing I found was this blog. It's time to write about it.

The thing is, I imagined telling my woes to my husband over dinner and what it might sound like.I imagined that he'd empathize with my concern and emotions, he'd hate it that I had to cancel class, but he'd also shrug a bit. "Sounds like a rough day," I imagine him saying. "French fry?"


I thought about that while I was shadowing another teacher today. The teacher had three children under 13, her dog just died, and another family member is having emergency surgery. And she recently divorced.

And just like that the words "Get over yourself" was tattooed in the shape of an "L" on my proverbial forehead. 

My worries, along with my developing exit strategies, suddenly seemed very small and insignificant in comparison. And I figured I could possibly woman up and move on.

I do realize I need to say "no" to some extracurriculars right now (cough, Facebook, what?!) I do realize that priorities--taking care of the most important things needs to be my first responsibility. I also realize my heart is full and taking time to step back, breathe, and wind down is necessary to keeping myself focused. That and talking to others who can provide perspective, aka, asking for help.

And also realize that very very few things in my life are an emergency right now.

So here's me looking at my escape options, then turning around and checking out what I'm running from--which apparently isn't as scary as the shadows make them out to be. Here's me not running away, but turning slowly towards it and  beginning the walk again.